You. You. Over there. Yes, you. You need one of these:

Thai Granite Mortar And Pestle

Why? I’ll tell you why. Because you have an innate need to pound stuff. To grind stuff. To forcefully reduce things to a pulp. Deep within your psyche, a little itch exists, maybe so small you can’t feel it. Still, it exists.

You need to beat the s*** out of some spices. You wanna cream some garlic. You need to make some ding-danged chili paste. You do! How do I know this? Well.. I’m gastronomically psychic, and I feel your vibes, (wo)man. Fa-rizzle.

Given such tasks, what would you rather do? Would you prefer to lug out some bulky, dusty hunk of plastic, plug it in, clean the bowl, load your precious goodies in, try like hell to get the right consistancy (but probably either chop too coarsely, or turn things into pudding), then have to clean the whole kit-and-kaboodle and stow it away again?

Or would you rather plop your lemongrass into a pretty stone thing that looks fabbo in your hipster kitchen, and get some aggressions out with a tool that looks like it’d find a good home lashed to a stick in prehistoric warfare? Does getting just the right grind on, then returning to your cooking triumphant and maybe a little flushed from the work after cursorially splashing a little water into the mortar for cleanup sound good to yas?

IMHO, food processors are about as sexy as their name. I wouldn’t mind having one if I was big into baking or cooking for a big family, as they rock for doughmaking and for grinding meat (which I don’t eat), shredding pounds of cheese and so on.

For smaller tasks like grinding spices, bruising herbs, and finessing the living hell out of whatever tasty stuff you can dump into it, I think the mortar and pestle is nature’s perfect food, er, tool. Uh… Well, it’s a really great tool, anyway.

For the tasks I love them for, you’ve gotta make sure to get the right type of mortar and pestle. You DO NOT WANT:

A Suribachi - Great for creaming miso and other gentle tasks. Doesn’t take overhead-swinging two-handed tiger power strikes too well. Tends to break when you release too much qi.

A little teeny wussy pharmacy-style M&P(mortar and pestle) - Probably just fine for normal dry spice-grinding tasks. Might hold about two chilis and one clove of garlic, and would probably be very polite to them. FORGET IT.

We are not here to be nice to our ingredients We’re here to crush, pulverize, mash, and bang the ever-lovin’ f*** out of them. Move along.

A Molcajete - Pig head or no pig head, this, too is the wrong tool. Generally made of porous volcanic rock, molcajetes absorb tons of flavors and are highly abrasive- very useful for making wonderful puree’d salsas and things like mole sauce.

Certainly cool to have if you’ve got space, but not, an everyday tool for my purposes. Gotta love the pig head handle, though!

The unit I use has an 8″ bowl, which is just big enough for my needs. I got it at a local thai market (Battambang Market, Eddy @ Leavenworth, in San Francisco, CA, USA) for $16. Most places seem to want to charge $30-something for it. You can probably get a good deal if you look around locally.

I am nothing like an M&P expert, but as I understand it, when mooshing multiple ingredients of different consistancies, you want to grind the dry spices you want powdered first. Whack ‘em until they submit. Next, add any salt you might want*, along with any spices you need crushed but not powdered, and any stringy, tough or persnickety fresh ingredients. Bash them, and do it, do it, do it ’til you’re satisfied.

The salt will act as an abrasive to help render troublesome stuff untroublesome, and act as a buffer for your peppercorns et al at the same time, allowing them to be broken but not destroyed, if you’re careful. Then finally add wetter, easier ingredients (garlic, shallots, etc), which will bend to your will immediately. Once all ingredients are as you want them, do a bit of final pestling to mix and meld flavors. Congratulations, you’ve just made a paste.

The action of pestling is pretty cathartic, physical, almost metaphysical. Pound straight in, pound along the sides to bring material back down into the center, swirl the pestle while applying pressure to mix and grind. Get into a rhythm. Clink along with the clave’ on your favorite salsa record. Go wherever the mortar takes ya, dogg.

I’d be kind of a bastard if I got you all hot on getting an M&P and didn’t give you something yummy to make with it, right? Here goes:

Recently I bought a huge jar of green peppercorns at the aforementioned Battambang market, since I love pepper in all its forms and hadn’t worked with greens yet. I instantly got a little obsessed (you see a pattern forming?) and have used ‘em in a number of different dishes since.

They taste a lot like regular peppercorns, only they’re not dried, so they’ve got a fresher flavor and less concentrated heat. Plus, you can just eat them. I usually pop a couple in my mouth when I’m cooking with them. ..but then, I’m really into pepper. YMMV.

Last night, I wanted to make a peppery aioli for a dish my pal and musical companion Matt and I were going to cook. As I mused, I realized I didn’t have any eggs around.

I had no idea how to make eggless aioli, and because I’m lazy, I didn’t feel like looking it up. Because I’m a born innovator, I decided to forge my own road- a road paved with green peppercorns and miso.

Green Peppercorn Miso Aioli
1 Tbs green peppercorns, drained
5 each white and black peppercorns, or just black in a pinch
small pinch cumin seeds
3 Tbs white miso
1 Tbs oil (try either nice green extra virgin olive, or toasted sesame oil, by your whim)
1 large clove garlic
lime juice
rice vinegar
Bragg’s Liquid Aminos
—

In your new M&P, crush the black and white peppercorns and cumin seeds into powder (you don’t want cracked pepper this time). Add green peppercorns and moosh them into as fine a pulp as you can muster. The smell, if you’re into peppery things, might get you a little high by this point.

Add a peeled, trimmed garlic clove and mash it finely. Transfer the mixture to a bowl (a soup bowl is the right size). Squeeze about a teaspoon of lime juice into the mix (just a small squeeze is fine), then add the miso and stir all together.

Get out a fork, add the oil, and mash the miso and other ingredients together until the miso is dissolved, then whip the mixture with a fork for a minute or so to get give the mixture some volume.

Pour in a splash of white rice vinegar and a squirt of Bragg’s. Continue to whip. If the mixture is too soupy, add a bit more miso. if it’s too stiff, add a bit more oil. If you’ve got it, grate in a little fresh tumeric for color.

This stuff was so good I caught myself trying to eat it straight out of the jar a couple of times. It topped this mushroom and potato gratin thing really well (a little dab’l do ya- it’s got a lot of flavor) and added a wonderful zing and creaminess to some couscous that was sitting there on my plate saying, “What’s up?! Are you gonna season me? Jeez!“. I can’t wait to get home and, I don’t know, spread it on toast or something. Yum.

Anyhow, this is yet another tiny-entry-turned-tome. ‘Til next time, glad tidings and fresh sprouts to you,
Cheers,
George C

* - Celtic or kosher salt is best for this purpose- big grains

Filed under: Meal Reports, Recipes, Tools

2 Responses to “Tools Addendum: Mortar and Pestle + Green Peppercorn Nirvana”

1. Pim Says:
   October 5th, 2005 at 10:04 am

   You are so right. Everyone needs one of those. I wouldn’t part with mine for anything.

   cheers,
   Pim

2. George C. Says:
   October 5th, 2005 at 5:39 pm

   Yay, thanks for reading! Your blog has been a big inspiration for me. I will likely ask to be buried with my mortar and pestle. It’s precious!

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