Throughout the last week, something sinister has haunted my dreams. An eldritch vapour from childhood, wafting with considerable malice, wraithlike around my head. I avert my eyes- I dare not stare into this vortex of culinary anachronism, ere I go mad with unutterable longings… Bisquick, BISQUICK is it’s name! I am no longer afraid to speak it aloud.

Locals from the seat of my youth (when they get up the nerve to speak of it, usually after a flagon or two of rum) say my parents were bless’d (or, perhaps, curs’d) with an unearthly ability to produce all manner of doughy foods with an unnatural fluffiness. Pancakes like pillows beckoned. Drop biscuits floated like clouds, daring children become petty thieves as they cooled. What occult force was responsible?.

All along, my parents explained that the yellow box held nothing but white flour, oil, baking soda and salt. The neighbors nonetheless continued to be haunted, much like I am now, by dreams of perfect waffles, created with a mere swirl of the hand and a preternatural gleam in my mother’s eye. What vile ur-beast’s tentacles reached from hellish chambers beneath the sea through interdimensional portals into that innocent, gleaming box’s contents, hoping to enslave (or, at least, fatten) those who dared to open it?

..anyway, I’ve been reading too much HP Lovecraft again. Seriously though folks, Bisquick and all of its enthralling abilities weighed heavily on my mind this week. By the time Saturday morning rolled around, I knew I couldn’t keep the urge down any longer. I wanted WAFFLES- and not just any old waffles.

The only conundrum, how to make waffles without a waffle iron? Crap, what have I got that employs two heated plates with some kind of striated surface.. Crikey, THE PANINI PRESS! Perrrfect, perfect.. I shall set my plan in motion, said I..

By the way, I lament the fact that there are no pictures for this recipe- I was so glassy-eyed the whole time and the food was gone so fast there wasn’t time to even look for the camera. In fact, what’s a camera? MMM WAFFLES *#*!# *fizzle*
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